The word No is so simple to spell, yet this seemingly simple word is so complicated for many of us.
For a long time, I struggled with saying no. I was often overworked, overwhelmed, overscheduled, overbooked, and overcommitted—literally, all of the over-this and over-that. Need I also mention my poor personal habits, such as procrastination and inadequate preparation, that often hindered my life's progress?
After much study and observation, I realized that I struggled with saying No because:
• I did not understand the value of the word nor how to use it.
• I was afraid of the potential awkwardness or negative outcome.
Let's address each one.
Recently, I had the honor of speaking with and spending time among a group of planners who are passionate about using, you guessed it, paper planners. During my talk, I shared how I defined the word, PLANNING, with the group. To me:
PLANNING is Preparing for Possibilities.
Today, I would like to help you see the word No differently. I would also like to help you see the relationship between saying No and the practice of Planning. Please permit me to use some math.
If PLANNING = Preparing for Possibilities
Saying NO = Making room for Possibilities
If you desire to experience more possibilities or success, planning your time and resources will help you prepare for them. However, saying no to certain things will help you make room to experience those possibilities.
In the previous issues, I mentioned how I plan and have an allotted time on my schedule for writing this publication. This first practice is planning. Next, I usually have to decline other obligations or distractions to make room for this publication. This second practice is the art of saying No. Imagine what we could have missed if I had refused to say no to distractions and said yes to writing?
Often, we associate the word "no" with negativity and fail to see the positive value that a thoughtful "no" can bring to our lives—saying no to what isn't presently essential and saying yes to what is of significant value. Now, let's briefly address the second reason: fear or awkwardness.
I no longer feared saying no once I became better equipped and prepared. Through practice and reflection, I developed an elegant framework for declining requests with grace. The key is following a thoughtful framework:
Appreciation —> Enthusiasm —> Declination —> Well Wishes
From my library of experiences and following this elegant path, here are some (real-life) elegant ways I have learned to communicate and apply the word No.
Dear Person, (or Hello Person)
Thank you for reaching out. I've reviewed your impressive portfolio and noticed that you produce remarkable work. We currently have a resident product stylist and photographer who handle and create our beautiful imagery, and as a result, we don't need anything in this area at this time.
Thank you again for considering us. I wish you so much success as you pursue new accounts this new year!
Dear Person, (or Hello Person)
Thank you for considering me for your special event. I would love to celebrate with you. However, I do have another scheduled commitment. I will miss joining you this time, but I hope you enjoy the event and it's a huge success!
Hello Person,
Thank you for reaching out. I am unable to join you this time.
Hello Person,
Thank you for thinking of me. Please kindly excuse me. I am unable to join you this time.
OR
Thank you for the invitation. Please kindly excuse me. I am unable to join you this time.
Hello Person,
Thank you for the message. Please kindly excuse me. I am unable to participate.
The initial two scenarios use a gracious, complimentary, and elegant tone.
The latter scenarios follow an abbreviated, gracious, and elegant tone.
Appreciation ---> Declination
While each situation may not unfold positively as we hope, these ideas are a great way to start and often yield positive results. Frequently, I receive a thoughtful reply from the recipient of my declination.
Your Turn to Practice
Which area of your professional or personal life most needs the power of a graceful "no"? This week, I challenge you to:
- Identify one request you would typically say yes to out of obligation
- Use one of the templates above to craft a thoughtful declination
- Notice how it feels to make this space for your priorities
Share your experience or your own successful "no" strategies in the comments. The etiquely community would love to learn from your insights!
If scaling your career or business is essential to you at this time, consider investing in The Etiquette of Professional Communication Guide. This guide provides you with 48 precise strategic phrases that elevate your professional presence and open doors.
The Etiquette of Professional Communication
Strategic Power Phrases To Scale Your Career